Thoughts and Stuff

Thoughts and life

2006-11-29T22:36:00.000-08:00

So, it has been quite a while since I last wrote a blog here. Almost seven months actually! Well, not too much has been going on right now. This semester is almost over; only the two days left of this week, next week- which is dead week, and then finals week! I have a lab practical next Wednesday, and then two finals the Wednesday after that. Other than those, I have nothing! My job is about to get replaced by a machine, which makes me increadibly sad! It is the easiest job, and perfect for me while I am in school. Oh well. I have a good internship for next semester anyway, so I am set! I am getting really excited about Christmas! I love this time of year. I love seeing all the Christmas lights, and hearing the Christmas songs, and all of the wonderful church activities, and plays, and things! I am hoping to go to the Nutcracker Ballet again this year. I am hoping my husband and I make it a tradition to see it every year. Well, I am tired, and should head off to bed. Later!

Brokenhearted

2006-05-15T11:45:00.000-07:00

I have recently found out something about someone I love so very much, that I wish, in a way, that I never knew. It breaks my heart to pieces to know that someone so close to me, and who I love so very much is sinning against not only herself, but against God! Maybe f I lived closer I would be able to help... I don't know. I am hoping she can come stay with my husband and I this summer, so that I can tell her about the salvation Jesus freely gives. I hope that I can help her to find God, and to know Jesus as her personal Savior. If she can't come, I am hoping to have my cousin Sammy stay with us so that I can tell her about Jesus. This is killing me! It physically hurts me. She has not had the best life. She has many people who love her, but her home life has been stressful. Her mother made many mistakes when she was young, but mistakes that give me great pleasure- not because of her pain, but because of the outcomes. She had not been the best mother in my opinion, but she did not have the best parenting herself. Maybe that is in part to blame, but hopefully I can fill a void in her daughter's life, so that maybe, she will turn from her sins and embrace Jesus who is waiting for her with open arms. May I be a good example to her whether she comes to visit or not.

A letter

2006-05-10T11:26:00.000-07:00

I completely agree with this letter!

Subject: ASLEEP AT THE WHEEL.

This is from a Hispanic who lives in Texas. He's had a column in the Fort Worth Star Telegram and as you can see, expresses himself very well.

ASLEEP AT THE WHEEL

I can almost assure you that everyone who is a true American was sickened when you saw multitudes of protesters carrying Mexican flags protesting the new Immigration Reform Bill in the Senate. This display of Mexican flags should give you a heads up on where these protesters allegiance lies. Their hearts are in Mexico and their bellies are in the United States.

As an American of Mexican Heritage I want to set the record straight. American Hispanics are not all thrilled with illegal immigration. I, for more than 20 years, tried desperately to bring this national debacle to the attention of the American people. I had the privilege of writing for several newspapers, appeared on national and local TV and radio programs, and was asked by many political groups to address this serious problem affecting my former community (north Fort Worth), city, state, and our country. Many will question how I can speak on this subject with some authority. My simple answer is: I lived with the problem! Trust me, it was no picnic. Never in my life (I'm 68) had I witnessed the lawlessness, the deterioration of my community, and the black market criminal underground activities attributed to the influx of illegal immigrants.

To add injury to insult, politicians soon caved in to the many demands of illegal immigrants. Notably: bilingual education, bilingual ballots, welfare aid, free medical care, etc. Through all this national disgrace allowed by our politicians, have you all noticed that no one ever blames the useless, corrupt, and disgraceful government of Mexico? In contrast, they lambaste and criticize our country. How does that grab you?

When I addressed the dangers of our porous border between Mexico and the United States, and the lax security of our nation, no one paid attention. As I observed the situation, the problem was perceived to be between American Hispanic communities and illegal immigrants. White Americans, it seemed, assumed that the problem was not theirs to deal with. In other words they were asleep at the wheel.

However, 9-11 soon woke them up. Lets be honest with each other here, white Americans vote in far larger numbers than Hispanics do. And most politicians (Democrats and Republicans) in our city, state, and federal governments are white. Thus, who is more suited to fix this national disaster? I'm sure most of you know what the answer is.

In summation, I'm pleading with white American voters to join me in sending our politicians (Democrats and Republicans) a strong message that we will not tolerate illegal immigrants telling us how to make government policy that will make it easier for them to break our laws. Hope you will join me in this endeavor in our upcoming elections.

James H. Reza
4204 Grand Lake
Fort Worth, Texas 76135

Please pass this on...it just might get to the other Veterans and VFW, American Legions and to those that truly believe that we will not give our country away!

Brain Scans show us about dreading pain

2006-05-08T21:13:00.000-07:00

This is just very interesting to me, and I thought maybe it would be to some of you as well!

Brain study suggests that distractions ease dread

By Carey Goldberg, Globe Staff | May 8, 2006

Anticipating pain may be nearly as painful as the pain itself.

That's one implication of research published today in which scientists scanned the brains of people who had been told to expect a mild electric shock.

In the first high-tech exploration of the biology of ''dread," researchers at Emory University found that even before the shock was administered to a person's foot, activity appeared in one of the brain's pain centers. In particular, dread activated a part of the brain having to do with attention to pain, implying that distraction -- like watching TV -- helps reduce the dread.

''If you're the kind of person who tends to dread things," said Gregory S. Berns, lead author of the study in today's issue of the journal Science, ''then diverting attention should decrease dread, and you can know that in advance and do something about it."

Nearly one-third of people tested were ''extreme dreaders," people who experienced dread so intensely that they actually preferred a bigger electric shock immediately to a smaller shock later. For these people, it seems, the stronger pain was a lesser evil than the dread. Scans showed that their attention-to-pain brain areas tended to get more active faster than in other people.

The volunteers were not experiencing the full-fledged pain of a shock. ''They were experiencing the misery of their overestimation of how bad it was going to be -- a pain of a different sort. A pain of the mind."

Berns said he had expected to find that parts of the brain associated with anxiety and fear, such as the almond-shaped amygdala, would be central to dread. But instead, the brain scans he conducted indicated that the ''attention parts of the pain network," mainly in the cortex, or outer rind of the brain, made the difference between normal dreaders and ''extreme dreaders."

''We found that it mainly has to do with the 'Oh, no!' response," Berns said. If you're the type of person who reacts with extreme dread, he said, ''it seems like you're imagining very early the expected response in your foot."

John Gabrieli, a brain imaging scientist at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology who was not involved in the study, said that the findings implied that ''dread is as painful as pain is, or maybe even more so."

It was surprising, Gabrieli said, that dread seemed so centered in the ''back half" of the brain, the area broadly associated with receiving input like sights, sounds, and sensations from the sensory organs, rather than the ''front half" of the brain, the area associated with decision-making and thinking.

It turns out, he said, that ''the same part of the brain that would be the most sensitive to the perception of pain" is also most involved in ''building up the anticipation of pain," he said. ''You couldn't have known that" without the new brain-imaging experiment.

The findings may be useful in certain medical situations, Gabrieli said. For example, he said, if doctors know that some patients are ''extreme dreaders," they may want to tailor carefully how they describe certain treatment options that might be unpleasant but might also be in the patient's best interest in the long term.

The experiment was the first to use a brain imaging machine called a functional MRI to explore dread, Berns said. It was already known that activity in the pain system of the brain tends to begin before a shock or other painful stimulus, but no one had tried to pinpoint the parts of the brain responsible for dread, he said.

The experiment enrolled 32 subjects, Berns said, who were paid $40 each to undergo a set of 96 electric shocks to their feet while they lay in an MRI scanner recording their brain activity. Before each shock, they would be told how strong it would be and how long they had to wait for it.

In a second part of the experiment, they would then be offered choices such as: You can have a strong shock now or a weaker shock in 30 seconds.

Paul Zak, director of the Center for Neuroeconomic Studies at Claremont Graduate University in California, complimented the study and said it reveals dread to be ''the negative placebo effect."

But, he said, he'd find it even more convincing if the researchers had gone one step further and checked to see whether distracting people actually reduced their pain. That would be ''nice to know" he said.

The findings on dread could cast light on some economic decisions people make, said George Loewenstein, a Carnegie Mellon University neuro-economist who wrote a commentary on the dread paper in today's Science.

For example, he said, when someone chooses to save money, it may be not because of a carefully considered, farsighted view of life but because of ''immediate dread induced by thoughts of an impoverished future."

The paper fits well into the burgeoning field of neuro-economics, the study of how feelings and thought processes detectable in the brain affect people's economic decisions. Loewenstein noted that one promising area of research involves the opposite of dread: the question of why sometimes it is pleasurable to revel in the anticipation of something you want, while other times it is frustrating.

''The emotional response to anticipation may be the single most important determinant of people's willingness to delay gratification," he wrote, yet no one has yet advanced a theory explaining which factors determine that response.

On a more pragmatic plane, Berns said, people face things they don't want to do every day, from public speaking to committee meetings. ''And the subjective experience of waiting for these things can be quite bad, and they take a toll. So the message is: A lot of it has to do with the attention that is focused on it, and that's easily remedied."

Carey Goldberg can be reached at goldberg@globe.com.

Read the article http://www.boston.com/news/globe/health_science/articles/2006/05/08/brain_study_suggests_that_distractions_ease_dread/

Finals!

2006-04-30T20:54:00.000-07:00

So finals begin at ISU tomorrow! I don't have to take my one tomorrow until 7pm, which is nice, because I have all day to study some more. It is a comprehensive final, which I hate, but I really liked the class, and learned so much, plus the professor was AWESOME, and the study guide we have is great, so I think I will do ok on it! Oh, the prof was so good that I wanted to take another class from him, so I signed up for Evolutionary psych. Yeah I hate evolution, but I figure it will at least be interesting, and I should probably know the theories that are out there, so I can help find ways to refute them one day :) It will be all wonderful, lol. Lets see, Tuesday I have my Abnormal Psych final, which is not comprehensive, but that class sucked, because I didn't like the prof, so I am really hoping I do well on it. I did not learn much in the class. I may take the class over again with a different prof, unless I get at least a B, which I doubt. Oh, and that exam is at 9:45AM. Wednesday I have my Psych of Women final, which I am pretty sure is also comprehensive. That one is at 7PM, and I think I will do fine on it, because a lot of it is just common sense to me, or stuff I have learned before in other classes. My Listening final will be Thursday at noon, and that one should go ok. It is comprehensive, but if I just scan through the book before the exam it will go good. It is a stupid class by the way. I only took it to fulfill my speech requirement. I also have a biology exam, not a final, but a regular exam I need to take next week any time before Friday at 4. There is also an optional biology final, which I am going to take, because it erases the two lowest test scores if you do better on it than the other exams. I can also take that one any time before Friday at 4. So that is it! After all that, I am officially a Senior by credits. Then May 15, I will begin my summer classes. Hopefully this week I will also find out about the nanny job I am hoping to get. The girl has ADD, plus anxiety disorder, so it is a good job for a psych major! Plus I think it would be the most fun job. The girl is 8, and is such a sweetie! I think we would have so much fun! Anyway, that's all for now!

My needs

2006-04-28T21:38:00.000-07:00

Forgive me, O Lord

As I have not been faithful

Help me, O Lord

As I am so unable

Humble me, O Lord

As I am so proud

Break my heart, O Lord

So I may have greater compassion

Fill me with your love, O Lord

So I may love others as you do

Fill me with your Spirit, O Lord

So I may be joyful always

Surround me with your glory, O Lord

So I may be filled with peace

Grant me patience, O Lord

So I may help others

Draw me closer to you, O Lord

So I may show others your kindness

Give me boldness, O Lord

So I may show you faithfulness

Fill me with your will, O Lord

So I may be gentle

Give me discipline, O Lord

So I may have self-control

Give me your will, O Lord

So I may glorify you always

My Prayer

2006-04-25T20:39:00.000-07:00

Why, O Lord is it so hard to forsake myself and fall at Your feet?

How can I continue to sin against You, after all You have done for me?

Free me from myself Father, and help me to set my eyes only on You

Help me to keep my eyes fixed on the goal, which is to glorify You

Help me to honor you with my life; with my actions, words, and deeds

Free me from the bondage of the world, which leads to damnation

Give me Your perfect Will, that I might please You alone

Guide me in righteousness, and lead me along the narrow path

Give me a fire for You and Your Word

Give me a passion for all peoples of the world

Gift me with boldness to tell the world about You, and Your saving grace

Free me from the struggles of the earthly body, and give me new eyes

Give me a new mind, a new heart

Help my thoughts to be focused on You, and Your agenda

Free me from my selfishness, and the sin that seeks to consume my heart

I am Yours, and Yours alone, Father

Do with me what You will

Send me where I am needed

Show me Your Will that I may seek to do it, by Your grace given me through Jesus

I love You and long to please You, to worship You in all I do

Please, grant me my prayers according to Your perfect Will

Spring semester

2006-04-25T20:00:00.000-07:00

So, spring semester is coming to an end. This week is dead week, and next week is finals week. I will be glad when this semester ends for the most part, because I only really liked one of my classes, and it ended on Monday. My psych of women ends tomorrow, and my Listening, Abnormal psych, and biology end on Friday. I have all the finals next week, starting monday with Sensation and Perception, Abnormal on tuesday, psych of women wednesday, listening on thursday, and biology any time next week. Then I have a few days off, and summer classes begin, and I am really excited about those! I am taking psychopharmacology , which is about how drugs (perscription and not) interact with the body, and especially the brain, and Learning and Memory, which should be interesting as well. I am also hoping to get a nanny job, watching this 8 year old girl. She has ADD and anxiety disorder, so she will be difficult, but I am a psych major, and have nurturing gifts, so I think it will all be great! I would have so much fun with her. I really hope I get that job. The job pays very well, but I could care less about that. I think the experience would be great, and they want someone who wants to stay with the family for a while, and I would love to do that while we are in Iowa! Hmmm, what else... Not too much else is going on right now. I am hoping to start a Bible study over the internet with some friends soon. We would do it over AIM, so that would be fun. If anyone wants to join, let me know, and I can send you details! I think we will probably go over 1 & 2 Corinthians to begin with. Anywho, I better go for now!

Grace

2006-04-24T22:54:00.000-07:00

As I look into my heart

I see everything I hate

Lies and greed and coveting

Punishment awaits

Deserving only judgment

From the only Holy One

But with overflowing mercy

The Father gave His Son

The perfect for the worthless

The Holy for the base

All Glory to the Father

I fall upon my face

A sinner still I am

A struggle day by day

Now saved by grace, God’s perfect grace

Bound for Heaven one day

Please

2006-04-19T21:57:00.000-07:00

Please

Who am I to think I am anything without You?

What do I possess that You did not give to me?

Yet… yet even as You forgive me, I sin against You

I am the worst of all sinners!

I love You, and long for You, yet I feel so far from You…

Please, free my from myself, and draw me ever nearer to You

Guide my ways, and make Your will mine

Give me strength and courage to follow hard after You

Forgive me again, as I have not been living as I should

Pour out Your Spirit on me, and fill me with a Holy fire that burns for You alone

Help me to see the world with new eyes

Help me to keep my focus solely on You

My week

2006-04-14T23:11:00.000-07:00

I had a great week! I was the Easter Bunny Tuesday and Thursday, and it was so much fun! There were some kids who were very scared, but then there were a few others who cuddled right up with me, pet me, and kept saying "I love bunny!" Oh my goodness it was so cute! I was a very cute bunny, lol. It was an adorable suit, though very hot. I had sweat dripping down my face for the first little bit! Both days! Then Thursday it was 90 degrees outside, so that didnt help, but it was so much fun, it was definitely worth it!

I have also been researching my friend's church a LOT lately. I found some things from ex-members, current members, and friends/family of ex and current members. I am getting info from all over the place. And for the most part all of them tell of the exact same beliefs, ideas, and such. It is very disturbing to see what some of their workers believe. There were a few sites I found where someone had typed up sermon notes from Sunday/Wednesday night meeting, or conventions. It was rather upsetting. It literally gave me chills. It is so sad to know that most members, and some workers don't know the truth about the founder of the church, and its core beliefs. I hope my friend understands, and even if she choses to stay in the church, that she would guard her heart and her mind. I think she is pretty good at doing that for the most part. There are only a few things she says that are wrong, and I think mostly it is just the language she is used to, having grown up in the church.

Well, this weekend should be good. I rented a camera from the university, and I plan to go with my husband and take some nature pictures, and perhaps animal pictures too! If you would like to see some of my photography, go to www.venusfire77.deviantart.com!

Random

2006-04-11T11:39:00.000-07:00

Today I am the Easter Bunny at the mall! I think it is going to be a lot of fun! I get to do it on Thursday also!

So I have been researching a certain "church" on the internet. It is pretty scary what some religions think... I found a site that gives a lot of information for quite a few different religions, including history and beliefs. I found that certain "church" on there too! It is a pretty impartial site, giving more information than opinion, which is nice. I think it is written by a Bible believing Christian, as they compare the other religions and sects to Christianity, and also give advice on how to talk to the people about true Christianity.

I am going to continue to do research on that "church" to see what else I can find about it. I am quite worried as I know someone who is heavily involved in the "church." Hopefully the next time I see this person I will be able to tell them about all the stuff that I have learned, and holpefully they will listen to me, and maybe even do some research themselves! I hope they get out of it, and quick! Maybe then their "fiance" will also go to the new church, and finally become a Christian, and in a true Christian church! Woohoo, that would be great! Well thats all for now. Maybe one of these days I will also add some of the research on here that I have found. Oh, and I wont rant this time ;)

Appalled!

2006-04-07T12:40:00.000-07:00

So, after some searching, I found some internet sites about one of my best friends' "church." I read their doctrine- they have no statement of faith. They believe that a person is saved only if they go through their people. They believe that ANY other church is WRONG, and that their's is the only right way. They do not believe that Jesus is God the Son! They do not believe that the Holy Spirit is God the Spirit! I CANNOT BELIEVE ANY OF THIS!!!!!! I dont think she even knows what her "church" really believes! I hope she doesnt anyway, because if she knows, well then she better know that she needs to get her butt out of it right NOW! When they take communion that say that it is reserved for baptized members approved by ministers!!! THAT IS NOT HOW COMMUNION WORKS!!! It is for all followers of Christ!!!! FOR ALL OF US TO REMEMBER THAT HE DIED ON THE CROSS FOR OUR SINS!!!!!!!!!!! Claim they have no rules or regulations. Some taboos or expectations vary according to locality. The following unwritten taboos are generally recognized by the entire group as being unacceptable: Televisions, movies, stereos, smoking, drinking, illegal drug use, swearing, gambling, dancing, reading Christian books or literature, Christian symbols, current fads and fashions, jewelry (except for wedding rings, pins and watches). No short hair, make-up, slacks or shorts for women. No long hair for men. Women are expected to dress very modestly and wear their long hair uncut and pinned up on their head. OK, so Christians should not get drunk, use illegal drugs, swear, gamble for profit, smoke... BUT THE REST OF THAT IS NO BIBLICAL!!!! THEY REMIND ME OF THE PHARISEES!!! TO LEGALISTIC!!!!!!! Characterized by rigid authoritarianism. Workers have absolute authority in all matters. Members have no representation and no means of recourse. Members exist for the belief system, rather than the belief system existing for the members. Unquestioning loyalty is expected. IT IS A CULT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MEMBERS HAVE NO CLUE!!!!!!! I AM SO UPSET RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There is so much more, but I am not going to write it all right now. I will be putting more of it up here later, because it is so APPALLING!!!!!! I hope she leaves this church when she marries her boyfriend. Or maybe she will marry him before he is a Christian, and they will kick her out!! She shouldn't marry him before he is a Christian... but still. Anyway, bye for now.

Bored

2006-04-06T19:59:00.000-07:00

I am bored today, but in a good mood. Much MUCH better than some of my moods last summer... I am really missing all of my friends though! Alisa finally emailed me today, so that was good! And I also gor a card from one of my other best friends, Tiffy :) It really made my day. And it is an adorable card! I was going to sit down and write people some letters tonight, but I went to get my folder that I use, and when I opened it, there was mold in it! I am like, why is there mold in this, and how did it even get wet! It was under a pile of heavy books, because I was pressing some flower petals in it. Well, it was the petals that made it wet. I put them in there like three weeks ago, and appearantly they never dried out... they were still wet today! I was growing colonies of mold! It was really disgusting! So, of course, I threw the whole thing away, which is sad, but I will just have to get another folder like it. But I am still going to try to write some letters tonight using something else. Maybe just cards :) Oh yes, and I am still sick. I started feeling a little sick a few days ago. I remember the exact moment too. I took a drink of my iced tea Monday night, and noticed my throat felt a little raw. I thought, well either it will go away by there morning, or I am getting sick! Well, it didnt go away... the next day I felt a little worse, but not too bad. Yesterday though, I felt horrible! I didnt even go to my night class. Today I dont have classes, so there was nothing to miss. I have a fever today, and definitely a cold, but my throat feels better. The rest of me feels like crap though, lol. Its ok though, because I hardly ever get sick, and when I do my body fights it off fast. My fever is not even that high, only about 99.6 or so the last time I checked. I have a very good immune system. Which is also why I have such bad allergies, oddly enough! Well, I have rambled enough for tonight! Off to be bored some more! Lots of love and hugs!

Just a post

2006-04-03T11:57:00.000-07:00

Well, I am bored, so I thought I would just write on this thing. I am watching Friends right now, the fourth season. James and I dont have cable, so we mostly just watch DVDs and sometimes watch things on TV from the air waves. We own season 1, 2, 3 and 10 of Friends, but I am hoping to get more seasons soon, because I need something else to watch, lol.

I cant believe how fast this semester is going! Pretty soon it will be over, as finals week is the first week of May. I only have to get though this one more month.

It is getting sooo nice lately, and I am really enjoying it. We have also been getting some bad storms lately, which I also am enjoying! I love bad storms. They are so much fun! I am also hoping that the flowers start blooming, and trees budding so I can take some cool pictures of them. I am trying to take my photography more seriously. I have some pretty nice pics on my deviantart site - venusfire77.deviantart.com

Well this week looks to be pretty boring like all the rest, because I dont have much going on, like homework or exams or stuff.

Well, I should probably stop my ramblings now... Hopefully I can get some pics of my babies on here soon. They are way too cute :-)

Later!

Alone

2006-04-01T17:56:00.000-08:00

I feel like I have no friends. There are two of my best friends that do still talk to me, Tiff more than Alisa. Alisa has not emailed me in a LONG time, although I have sent her a ton. I have also wrote her quite a few letters/cards, and she has not even told me she got them. I dont need one in return, but I would like to know she got them. Tiffy always sends me one back, and it makes me feel so good, and that she cares about me so much! Tiff emails me too. I dont need my friends to call me on the phone, cause I hate talking on the phone, but even a short email it enough for me. All the rest of my friends seem to have dropped of the face of the planet, or they just dont care about me any more. I wouldn't blame them. Well, I just needed to write to try to make myself feel better. In helped a little.

Constitution Vigil

2006-02-24T15:04:00.000-08:00

So, on a sidewalk of campus the other night, I saw written in chalk "Constitution Vigil..." and info about where it would be. The first thing I thought was, "Vigil? What, did the constitution die?" Of course not. As a matter of fact, it is being upheld by the highest authorities in this nation. People need to realize that not everything we have in America is in the Constitution. Privacy. That is not in the constitution. I, for one, do not care if the government wants to read my email, my postal mail, and listen in on my phone calls. I have nothing to hide. If they want to hear me talk about my menstrual cramps to my friends, or complain about my professors, more power to them! One thing is sure, some people in this country do not even deserve to have privacy. The government is doing all of this primarily to protect us, and our country. So please, stop complaining about everything, and stop taking everything in America for granted. Support our troops, our Commander in chief, our government officials, and our Nation.

Friday the 13th

2006-01-14T10:36:00.000-08:00

So, I have never liked Friday the 13th. I am not superstitious, but it always seems like something happens to me! In Jr High I fell up the stairs, as my flute fell down the stairs, lol. Well yesterday was the worst one ever! I spent the night in the ER. Oh yeah, it was fun times. I had been feeling short of breath all night, and my heart was skipping beats, and adding extra beats, and my chest felt fluttery. It finally got so bad I had to call James and ask him to come take the to the ER. I was admitted pretty fast, then hooked up to a heart moniter. I had an EKG (electro-cardio-gram, looks at the electrical activity of the heart), different blood pressures (laying, sitting, standing), and had my blood drawn. The blood drawing was terrible, because of course, my veins were being difficult. I had a needle stuck in my arm in the bend like normal. It didnt work, and hurt a lot! Then a needle stuck in my right hand, it didnt work, but didnt hurt hardly at all. Then had to have another nurse come and try, and a needle stuck in my left hand, which hurt the worst, but worked, slowly. Finally, after many hours, the doctor came with my results. I am anemic, and I have a heart palpitation (which means irregular heart beats). So then I got to go home, and am going to spend this long weekend relaxing!

Grad school

2005-11-29T22:17:00.000-08:00

So I am now starting to think ahead to graduate school. I am pretty certain I want to go to the University of Colorado at Denver. I want to study neuroscience, specifically neuropsychology. I am wondering if I want to get my MD, or just PhD. I am begining to think about taking the MCATs, which is the graduate exam for medical school. There is another test, the GREs that are also for graduate school. All I need to study for that one is math, but for the MCAT I have to study chemistry, organic chem, physics, physiology, gross anatomy,Biochemistry, Circulation, Electricity,Atomic, Physics, Elements, Energy, Gases, Gastrointestinal, Integumentary, Lymphatic System, Microbiology, Motion Analysis, Nervous System, Neuroanatomy, Nuclear Physics, Nutrition, Optics, Pressure Chemistry, Reactions, Reproduction, Respiration, Urinary System, Waves, and math! Man! But I figure if I stidy for a year, I should be able to do ok :) thats the hope anyway!

Letter from a Microwave

2005-11-19T22:45:00.000-08:00

Iowa State Daily
- Ethan Newlin is a junior in English education from Naperville, Ill. He is the opinion editor of the Daily.

I thought I had a good relationship with my microwave. Boy, was I wrong.

The letter read as follows:

"Dear Ethan,

I hate to write to you like this, considering all the fun we've had in the past.

We've had some good times together. I can still remember the time you and Ben put empty Doritos bags in me to see if they shrank. I sputtered and sparked and made them all small and fun for you to play with.

And all those times you came down late at night to make nachos. I could laugh at how you look in your boxers, but I'm nice and don't say anything. I just let you put nachos in me and I cook them up for you. I even promised not to tell the toaster that you tried to stick a fork in him when he was asleep.

But I have a few complaints about how I've been treated lately. I'm not some sort of science experiment for you to play with. I deserve a certain amount of respect around here. You need to start appreciating everything I do for you.

I used to sit and dream with the other microwaves in the factory before we got shipped out. We'd sit in our boxes and talk about all the food we would prepare for our future families. I dreamed of casseroles, Hot Pockets and chicken soup. I longed to heat up leftover food for latchkey kids when their parents weren't home. I looked forward to a life of providing hot food for a kind family that loved me.

Instead, I got stuck with you and a bunch of crazy college kids.

For one thing, you can't keep stacking empty beer bottles on my head. I know I'm wide and flat, but if you have to stack stuff on my head it probably means you should clean the counter. Some of the empty beer bottles aren't so empty and they spill beer on my face. Sometimes it stays on my face for a while. The oven has started to stare at me. It's embarrassing. The fridge doesn't have to put up with this.

Have you no respect for my insides? I can't count all the burritos that have exploded inside me. Exploding food inside me makes me upset. It makes me a sad microwave to have people open me up, only to come face-to-face with fried beans all over the place. I just feel ugly. If my plastic casing could change colors I would be red. You clean up the stove when you spill food on him. How come I'm left with cheese sticking to my insides? Don't you love me?

I don't think it's too much to ask that I'm respected for all I do around here. No other appliance around here has to put up with abuse. What about that time you sat around and shoved random bowls and glasses in me to "see if they're safe"? Some of them were OK, but a few of them gave me a tummy ache and I started burping sparks and flashing lights. How do you think it makes me feel to have stuff shoved into me that makes me sick? The fork was just cruel. You know I don't like metal and that it makes me nervous. Why'd you do that?

All I'm saying is that I'm tired. I'm tired of heating up Bagel Bites only to be abused for it. I'm tired of doing all the work and getting no respect for all the convenience I provide.

Love,

GE Spacemaker(r) XL1600 Microwave-Bisque

P.S. - I was the one who unplugged the toaster oven. He has a big mouth. Sorry."

I was stunned. I hadn't realized the consequences of my actions. I had been callous to the microwave's feelings. I made a resolution then and there to respect him for everything he does for me.

But usually he doesn't talk this seriously unless he's been drinking.

November tornado

2005-11-13T11:36:00.000-08:00

So we had a tornado touchdown here in Ames yesterday (11-12-05). There was a football game (Iowa State (us) vs. Colorado), which we won by the way, which had to be evacuated... It was very bizarre! I have never seen weather like that in my entire life! Here are some pictures, not taken by me, because I was too busy trying to get out of our top floor apartmet to grab mine. These are photos taken from other Amesians!

Kitties

2005-11-04T20:07:00.001-08:00

So today turned out to be a sad day for me. I just found out from my sister that my mom put my cats to sleep. My mom never even mentioned to me that she was thinking about doing it. I did know this, however, because my sister told me that too. She didnt even know when mom did it, just that she did. I can see how she would want to put Magic down, because he had heart problems and pooped all over the place, but my JJ was perfectly fine. I really wanted to at least find a home for him. I am going to miss him so much. I always looked forward to sleeping when we went home, because JJ would come and snuggle with me. Now its going to be sad when I go home, because my JJ wont be there to great me. So many people dont understand how losing a pet can be so sad, but when you are an animal lover, it really effects you, because to us, our pets are like out family! It really is like losing a member of the family. I will miss JJ a lot.

I am still here!

2005-09-25T17:26:00.000-07:00

Wow I havent written in quite a while! School has started and I have been pretty busy! I am taking: Brain and Behavior, Drugs and Behavior, Moral Theory and Prictice, Human Biology, Normal Personality and Exploring Psych. I like them all and so far I have been doing pretty good! Not much else has really been going on... Married life is awesome :) James is also pretty busy. We should both graduate next December, so we are getting to the end point finally! Oh I have also been thinking about what I want to do after I get my bachelors degree... I was thinking I want to go to seminary and get my PhD in counseling, but now I am thinking I want to go to medical school and get my MD as a neuropsychologist! I would so loooove that! We will see. I am going to start looking at requirements and school! Hopefully I can still find one somewhere in Colorado!

Lately

2005-08-24T20:35:00.000-07:00

Man, I have been feeling terrible lately. I have officially been diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety. I do feel it. I think the anxiety part is getting worse, so it is good that I started meds last saturday. I think a lot of the anxiety stems from the depression. I am having trouble thinking and remembering, and it makes me afraid that I am going crazy so then that scares me and I get panic attacks. Well those arent new, I have been getting them since 3rd grade, but not they are much more frequent. I used to be a calm person, but now I feel panicky all the time. My mind feels cloudy, and I hate that. This is really trying my faith. I know God is there and He loves me, but all of this is making it hard for me to feel close to Him. I know that this is the time when the evil one will attack me the most, and he is. Maybe this is my wilderness experience. I hope I get out of it soon. I hate feeling like this. It is so hard for James to understand, and I feel terrible that I have to put him through it. I hope these pills start to work soon. Especially with all the school work that I will be having soon. Right now it isnt bad, just a little reading, but soon it is going to be a lot of reading. Please pray for me. Please pray that the depression and anxiety will go away soon. Pray that I can start to feel better and function as a normal person again.

Friends

2005-06-25T13:12:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I get lonely here in Ames. If I didnt have James, I would be lonely all the time. I really dont have any friends here. There are a few people I consider to be my friends, like real talk about stuff friends. But not very many, and only like one of them is a girl. The majority of the rest are James's friends, and I dont know how to go about making them my friends too. I wish I was better at making friends. I still have really great girlfriends, but they are all back in Gillette, and Waco. Maybe one of these days I will make a friend, or learn how to get closer to the ones I have...

Babies

2005-06-17T13:29:00.000-07:00

You know, recently I have realized just how much I want to have a baby. I really really do! It would be so awesome to start a family early. I wouldnt even mind if I had to put school on hold for a while. I would work and go to school till I had to stay home. Then I would stay home after that with my babies. I have also begun to rethink how many kids I want. James and I origionally said two, but you know, I dont think I would mind having a bigger family... it would be totally awesome! I even have some names picked out, hehe! Here are a few... Girl - Summer Dawn, Boy - David James, Joshua Malachi, Matthew Josiah. I have more boy names than girls though. :) Fun to think about!

Just some writing

2005-06-17T13:17:00.000-07:00

Hi! I feel a lot better today. When mentally anyway. Physically I feel like crap! I have this pain in my side, and I thought earlier that it was my appendix. I dont think it is now, so I am not scared so much anymore, but I do wish the pain would go away. My allergies are bothering me today too! Oh well though, what can ya do.

Tonight it James and my date night. Our pastors have a date night with their wives every week, and we thought that was an excellent idea. We will probably go to Kicking and Screaming at the dollar theater tonight, so that will be fun times! I am hoping we will go out to dinner, since I really dont feel like cooking, but we will see. I would be fine with pizza too... more than fine. I am having cravings, lol!

Hey, once I figure out how to put pictures on here, I will put up some of my wedding, that my mom took with her digital camera. Theres not too many, but there are some good ones. I hope I can get some of my cute kitties on here too :) they are adorable. Well they are when they arent getting into trouble.

Our apartment is coming along too! It will be so nice when we get our office up and going. Right now there are just a lot of boxes in there. I have had intentions of going in there are working on some boxes, but when I get in there, I get overwhelmed my all the boxes and I dont know where to start. So I havent really done much with it. James said he is going to put up the bookcase this weekend, so I can get a lot of boxes out of the way then, and then we will get our desks set up too, and then it wil be easy to get done! I am excited. Its gonna be so cool! We are going to be looking at getting a futon for the office too. Although I hope we get a dresser for our bedroom first!

OK, well I am done with this one for now. I will have to write some more later. This one is already a little lengthy!

Much better

2005-06-16T20:15:00.000-07:00

I am feeling much better today. As usual, many of my feelings were unfounded, and just from my point of view of myself I guess. I know I am still struggling with the depression, but it is better than a few days ago! It is always worse at night though... I do still wish I had more friends, or that I was not so shy and could talk to people better and get to know them more, and let them get to know me more too. I am really not that bad a person once you get to know me :) I have a golden retriever sentiment, which is the same as Jesus! I think that is awesome :) I have a lot of His qualities just because of my personality. I do with I had more. I strive to become more like Him. How I love Him though, He has done so much for me in my life, and I deserve none of it. He has saved me from this world, myself, and hell. How awesome He is! I cant wait to get to see Him face to face one of these days. How wonderful it is. We will have no more death and sadness and suffering. No more dandruf like Ray Comfort likes to say :) No more depression! :D God is awesome. Sometimes I wish I had more faith though... this is one of my biggest struggles. Oh and my shyness/introvertedness. I really dont like it. It gets in the way so much!!!! Oh well. I can say I am a little better than I used to be, although not much lol. Well I hope you all have a great night. Read your Bibles!!!

Struggles

2005-06-15T13:49:00.000-07:00

You know, I have struggles with depression for a long time, although the time I am not depressed is more than when I am. I feel depressed now, but I really dont want to go to the doctor. I never have before. And I certanly dont want to be on medication for it, mostly because I am afraid of the side effects. I keep hoping that it will just go away, because it has before, after a few weeks. But I have also had times when it has lasted for over a year... I really dont want that to be the case now... I hate feeling like this, and I know it is hard for my husband to understand, because he has never had depression before. I try not to let is come through, but you know, I cant really help it. I hope I can be stronger for him. I hope he can be understanding too though. Maybe I should just give up and go to the doctor. I guess I can talk to her about it and see what she says? I wish there were friends here to talk about it with, but I dont have any, except for in Gillette. I dont know why people dont like me. I wish they would. I wish I knew how to talk to people. I bet that would help.

My First Post

2005-06-13T22:03:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone! I finally gave up and got myself a blog. But now at least I can keep you all informed at the same time, and not have to worry about keeping all the email addresses straight! Well I suppose this is all for now. I will try to remember to update this thing about once a week, but we will see if I remember!